good afternoon lovers,
let me start off this blog with a fragment from a keith urban song : " another long summer has come and gone. i don't know why it always ends this way. the boardwalk is quiet and the carnival rides are empty as my broken heart tonight...but then i close my eyes and one more time we're spinning around and you're holding on tightly. the words came out, i kissed your mouth. no fourth of July has ever burned so brightly. you had to go, i understand, you promised you'd be back again. so i'm frozen in this town until summer come's around".
as i have took the time to carefully type out what i just did, you are probably wondering why i started this blog off this way. well, ever since i was a young child, i have had the heart of a hopeless romantic and carnivals have always been a big part of my summer festivities. i used to dream of that summer romance that would leave me wanting every summer to turn out the exact same way. you know the fairytale, sitting beside each other on the ferris wheel, sharing cotton candy, walking hand in hand through the lights, staring at the stars, and wanting the night to last on and on and on. it's that feeling of bliss; the feeling of knowing that you are wanted in good company just as much as you want that person around. it is the feeling of a joy ride in which, you never want to depart. every summer, i wish for the same thing, just for one moment like the first summer that i felt that state of bliss during the summer of two thousand and eight. yes, i felt that feeling, though it was short - lived, it plays over and over in my mind like it was yesterday when summer comes around.
i have always been told that i am a dreamer, that i have a way with words that other's do not possess. a way of making others feel as though they are sitting next to me even though they are a million miles away. i was once imformed that i am a shooting star that if caught, one should keep. yes, i dream big, possibly to big for me to fulfill. however, i've never been able to see that side of me, the one that others say is there, the side where people tell me that "i deserve far more than they could give me". yes, i've heard that line my fair share, more than a time or two. at times, just that statement let along can break my heart into one thousand fragile pieces. i believe in love, with all of my heart and soul...more than likely, far too much.
i felt that state of bliss this summer, if only but a moment, and i wouldn't trade it for the world or even one thousand adoring words written on paper napkins. every single night since then as i am laying in my leopard print bed re - playing the days events; this song comes to mind. it is like i am in a dream where i am wide awake. it is like i am on that ferris wheel spinning around and around and around waiting for that person to show up, show that they care, to prove my theory that "i just simply cannot be loved" wrong. to take my hand and never look back, showing me that i am not alone. so every night i wait, i force myself to stay awake just so that i can see 11:11 time stamped upon my clock so that i can send another wish to the moon. then i wait, wait patiently to see if my phone will ring or a text message will pop up suddenly out of nowhere. i dream big, possibly far too big for one's own good.
although, my summer events did not consist of carnivals, fairs, or any other type of fun summer event that would leave me breathless and hoping for more this year....i still believe that you are out there, somewhere, riding among the stars and i wait patiently all summer long, autumn, then winter, then spring, and i count the days until you might come back.
with love, until next time
-mandi-
I think this is my favorite blog you've written so far...it's a girls dream, and I've felt that way many many times, my dear....it's those damn fairytales that get you ever time and every time another dud comes around, you're left broken hearted and bitter...but you have just as much hope as I do...and that's a lot for us little girls to handle...it just means we're strong, and we'll know when our fairytale comes along...you'll find it sweeheart! You and your sister both have the biggest hearts I've ever known and never ever change!!! Someone is going to be VERYY lucky...and KNOW it!!!!
ReplyDeletethankyou sweetheart. it means alot just to know that you of all people are reading these. we all want that fairytale, indeed. i think that we fall for and believe that we are in love with those same old people ( like the one you mentioned in your latest blog)because we don't love ourselves enough to see that we deserve someone far beyond that....so we fall for the same ole same ole, someone that we think we can fix. i've been in the same boat. anyway, thankyou d, it means alot xoxo
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