good morning,
i fell asleep last night dreaming of wonderful things and woke up super early this morning with a smile on my face. these are always the best mornings, the ones where everyone is still snuggled into their beds dreaming while i am wide awake, snuggled under my covers with my favorite minnie mouse mug filled with caffeine beside me, writing. all is quiet and well. it is the type of quiet that gives you a sense of clarity, a sense of peace, even if the silence lasts a minute, the ease seems to last the entire day. if i look behind me, i can see through a crack in my blinds, it is raining. for some reason, i have always loved the rain and had a firm understanding that no matter what obstacles we go through on a daily basis, when it rains, it cleanses all of the bad things away and sets the stage for better things to come. go ahead, call me a goof ball. i know that it is coming. it is good to believe in something right?
last night as i was sitting in a traffic jam on the freeway, i gazed out the window as raindrops formed ther perfect little circular form and slid down my window ever so slowly. to my right the side of the road was clouded with peoples unwanted food particles, hair rollers, tossed out cigarettes after someone had taken their last puff, even disregarded underwear. all things that you would not normally ponder to be on the side of the road. if i looked ahead, i could see my mom in the drivers seat, her boyfriend in the passengers seat, the windshield wipers going "whoosh whoosh" as they swiped the rain from the glass with a vengeance and cars for miles ahead. we were on "e", i had to be in class to present a project in less than 20 minutes, her boyfriend kept saying "don't get gas, i can make it for 100 miles on e in my truck:" and my mom talking back " this isn't your truck, this is a car and it is decieving". i knew we were going to be sitting there in that same spot for at least an hour. it was my last ten dollars, a three hour drive all together, but i wanted my mom to be able to see her boyfriend so i gave her the money. normally, i might get a little agitated sitting in the car with nowhere to go....especially since i needed to use the facilities but i didn't, not even once. i sat there singing jason aldean's "my kind of party", reba's new hit "on the radio" and various other new country hits, bouncing around in the back seat just as happy as can be. i remember briefly my mom telling me that i was "crazy" . i believe i shook my head in agreement or something of the sort and giggled it off as i continued singing and gazing out the window. i kept thinking that, that very traffic jam was a symbol of everything that we have been through this year from my grandma being diagnosed with cancer, from being told that there is nothing that they can do, to almost losing our apartment, being so broke that we rarely ever have food, among various other obstacles. we have been through alot but as i sat there gazing out the window for what seemed like hours, i realized that we never complained about it. we got through it together. we always found a way to get through it no matter what and just like that traffic jam, it rarely seemed to move, slowly but surely we made it through traffic even if it took two hours longer than it was supposed too. i may have been 45 minutes late to class, may have almost missed my presentation, may have almost ran out of gas on the freeway and almost had a close call with being stuck in a not so great part of town at a not so great hour but i made it to class, i did my presentation, we made it to the gas station, and all was well. if that isn't a sign of something greater then, i do not know what is.
i'll end this blog with a song that has helped me realize a lot of things...
What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
its okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith
'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
it's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole
while you siting 'round thinking 'bout what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you cant get it back
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small
sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
oh when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else...
oh it sure makes everything else seem so small
- Carrie Underwood
so when you feel like all hope is gone just remember that after every storm, somewhere there is a rainbow...
i hope that you all have a blessed day,
mandi marie
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