crazy little thing called love.

without suffering, there would be no compassion. without a lighter to light your candle, there will be no flame. no spark. nothing to initiate that adrenaline related emotion pulsating through your veins. without suffering, we would never realize what is the most meaningful to us in our lives, what we have lost or if there is any type of future related to the situation. it is almost always touch and go. should (i) take the risk? is it worth the potential downfall that it may bring? if i decide to jump, am i going to fall into your abyss of the unknown? if i trust in you, is there going to be an invisible knife attached to your hand behind your backside once again? if i see your face and your hands intertwined with another's am i going to cry one thousand tears for every broken promise and un-met expectation. probably. is it worth it? who know's. am i tempted? why, of course. there is not a moment that i would take back the time that i was forced to spend alone. losing someone that i love was one of the hardest things that i have been through so far. there was the question of, how could someone that declares their love for you and undying devotion to stay in your life just walk away? how could this person who know's your whole life story and can finish what you are going to say before you say it just leave without any explanation. putting everyone else before you. there just is not an explanation. it just happens. it breaks your heart. you want to cuss someone out. you want to punch a few walls. you want to hunt people down and scream in their face for pushing the one that you love away but you won't. you don't have the strength to do so. you also, do not have the heart to break the person that you love's heart. so you pretend to be happy. you pretend until it becomes real. months go by and each day get's a little easier. you don't have as much of an urge to pick up the phone and dial that number that you have memorized in your brain because you know that it won't fix the situation and you will just feel like crud if you just so happened to get an answer. at time's you may want to lay in bed all day with the blanket over your face and sob uncontrollably without interruption but you suck it up. you become a stronger person. wall's are built slowly, an incredible force to shield future pain. trust becomes a gift that you keep until someone truly deserves it. your time becomes more precious towards people who have been there through thick and thin. time in general just becomes more precious. & when you see that person again; it is a rush of emotions. it is like falling in love all over again. you will do anything and everything to protect this person. everything that happened. the knives in your back...well, they disappear and a weight is lifted knowing that you had enough strength to forgive. to let go and let God. you will do anything to keep that person in your life. you will even risk the thought that they may leave you again because none of it matters. you love this person and they may not love you the way that you want them too or they may not even love you at all but it is there and you will take suffering over losing them. even if it means being friends or not being as much of a part of their lives as you were. it is worth it. they can shatter every piece of your heart and you will find a way to bounce back. crazy little thing called love. therefore being said, without suffering there would be no compassion and if love was easy, it would not be worth the fight. .