the story of us

in the words of taylor swift; "i used to think that one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the sparks flew instantly and people would say we're the lucky ones. i used to know my spot was a seat next to you, now i'm searching the room for an empty seat because lately i don't even know what page you're on"...i used to fall asleep with a smile on my face knowing that my phone would ring at three a.m.; another drunk phone call to make laugh; another spilled secret that you would forget tomorrow. a truth, i should say looking back now. it's funny how stories change when people are sober. i remember attempting to cross that street and getting smacked in the stomach by your arm. you were protecting me from a truck that i didn't see coming my way. those were the days, and the five mile walk side by side back to your apartment when you reached over, picked a flower and said "this is for you beautiful". you see, i have never been what you call beautiful but you made me feel as though i was when i was with you. i'm not even sure why now. words were sharp, daggers were thrown in every direction, silently of course...you weren't much of a speaker after the truth came out. the calls, texts, heartfelt emotions that were ignored time and time again. i fought for three years with the hope that things would get better, i'd rather love than fight. the final blow hit me a few months ago. the last straw, it took that one tiny thing to snap me back to reality...as em would say "whoops there goes gravity".

it was that "what in the sam hill moment" that changed everything. it is easy now too think about the place where we first met when we were both to shy to say anything so we just sent signals to each other. it is easy to look back at those pictures and not feel a darned thing. it is easy to be thankful that i had those bad moments as well as the good, that led me to be a stronger person. it easy to hear about your life with someone else and the family that you are now creating and not feel an ounce of jealousy. it is easy to be happy for you. it is easy to go to bed at a decent hour and wake up without hoping for a phone call, a visit, or a text. it is easy to go to work and not think about what you are doing all day long.it is easy to ignore the pressure of people wanting me to smoke, wanting me to drink, and be something that i am not. it is easy to laugh out loud at a joke. it is easy to be free, to be me. it is easy to wish for the best for you and hope that we can remain friends.



"the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now...next chapter."