playdough

Best Playdough (I usually triple or quadruple this recipe and cook it in a large deep frying pan)

Combine in saucepan: 1 cup flour 1/4 cup salt 1 tsp. cream of tartar

Add and whisk until smooth: 1 cup water 1 Tbsp oil Food coloring (Cake decorators paste or liquid makes great colors)

Cook over medium heat until nearly playdough is nearly set. Add: 1 Tbsp. imitation vanilla extract

Stir until vanilla is blended, then remove and knead when cool. Store in Ziploc bag or air tight container.

Note: This is the best playdough recipe I have ever found. The vanilla extract seems improve the texture and adds a nice scent as well.

the damage is done and i forgive you

i have waited a very long time for this. for my words to spill out like velvet across a clean canvas without fear of knowing where they may lead me or who they might hurt.i have prayed religiously.  i have waited patiently for such a long time. so long, that years flew by and the world continued to circle around me while i was stuck, stuck in the same old routine, going nowhere. i waited patiently with everything that i have within side of me to cross path's with you again and be able to smile, forget the stand up's and the hours spent bent over with my hands on my cheeks as tears drenched my face, pouring out my soul, and to feel comfortable in my world surrounding you. here it is, just yesterday. that bliss that i never imagined in my life would come. there it was, your face lit up like christmas morning as i casually walked over to you and said "hello" without my heart pounding the pit of my stomach like an angry fist. we hugged and continued conversations that we had left off years ago, just like it was yesterday. you were my friend again and that was just that, you were my friend, not an interest anymore. it was so easy to forget the past, the lies, and everything that implies. it was easy to embrace the possible future with the knowledge that maybe we won't be as close as we were, maybe our friendship won't be forever, maybe it is here for a moment, eternally , or not at all but i can finally look at the future in my twisted mine, smile at you,  and say "it will be okay" with the help from God.

forgiveness, forgiving you, it was like taking my first baby steps all over again but instead of months it took years. one year led to three or four. i no longer keep count. i am finally able to love you in a different way, an easier way without looking back because i have forgiven you. it is like i took a breath of fresh air.  more importantly i forgave myself for letting it dwell in my heart for so many years and eat away at my soul. i forgave myself for losing who i was without the knowledge of knowing that i had done exactly that. lost myself somewhere in my candy coated version of you. somehow, seeing you again brought me back to reality, brought me back to myself. i was able to have  a conversation with you and laugh uncontrollably with you and your family once again which was something that i haven't done in a very very long time. i sat down and  i was able to create something beautiful for you. something new. something that i had never attempted to do before. it turned out better than i thought and i am so beyond ecstatic that you happen to love it too. i hope that it is something that you can treasure years from now if we happen to lose touch, go our separate ways or keep in contact. i hope that when you look at it, you remember yourself and our friendship that has gone through so many obstacles but led us closer together at the same time. i hope that at the end of the day, you can smile along with me and rejoice in the new as well.

slowly but surely, i have somewhat found my way back to myself through all of the turmoil, obstacles, and hard balls thrown in my direction with the help from God and a few friends that have helped me realize what has been missing and how to "let go and let God". i have found my way back to reading before bed. i used to love getting lost in a book and live the adventure's in my mind like they were my own. it is nice to have that extra thirty minutes of down town to just be myself without any interruptions or distractions. i have also found that it makes my day less stressful if i just let everything go and relax for five or ten minutes (that is pushing it)  before work every morning even if it consists of waking earlier. i have put more time into doing things that i used to love, like taking pictures and sipping lemonade on the front porch as the stars shine in the night sky. i have even been spending more time with people that i love and enjoying what new events have to offer me. i am not saying that i am doing one hundred percent better, but i am working on it. slowly but surely. i miss me and the puzzle pieces that helped create me.

on a parting note. i leave you with a song by kelly clarkson that fits what has been on my mind.


I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again?
I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again?

'Cause the lights are on
But I'm never home
But I'll be back with a brand new attitude
'Cause I forgive you

[chorus]
I forgive you
We were just a couple of kids
Trying to figure out how to live doing it our way
No shame, no blame
'Cause the damage is done
And, and I forgive you

I forgive you
We were busy living a dream
Never noticed the glass city falling in on us
No shame, no blame
'Cause the damage is done
And, and I forgive you

I forgive you, I forgive me
Now when do I start to feel again?
If I hate you what does that do?
So I breathe in and I count to 10

'Cause the lights are on
And I'm coming home
Yes, I am back with a new heart in my hand
'Cause I forgive you

[repeat chorus]

I forgive you
For every times that I cried
Over some stupid thing you did to hurt me
That's alright
Yeah, I forgive you

I forgive you
We were just a couple of kids
Trying to figure out how to live doing it our way
No shame, no blame
'Cause the damage is done
And, and I forgive you



- until next time, much love and sweet wishes to you all - mandi marie