helplessly romantic

dancing around my room, hair brush in hand, screaming taylor swift at the top of my lungs. my phone rings and the dancing stops. i have about five minutes to get ready...so i run around frantically looking for something cute to wear. it is saint patrick's day after all. a green "a good luck charmer" shirt, trouser jeans, and zebra print sperry's is the final outcome. as i hop in the car, i  say "where are we headed"... as my friend informs me that it is a surprise. i hate surprises because they make me so antsy.  we pull into walgreens,  a cherry coke and some water, and we are on the road again.  we pull into a park and i am told to pick out a picnic table. so i pick the table under the shady pines with a view of the pond as the ducks are ducking their heads into the water grabbing fish. butts in the air and all. which draws my attention to them when my friend pulls out a picnic basket with strawberries, sandwich's, pretzels, and trail mix, and tells me that we are having a picnic at the park. just the two of us and ask's me if that is okay with me? of course, it is okay with me. i had never had anyone do something so thoughtful.  it is an 80 degree beautiful spring day with just the right breeze. we sat together in silence, looking out over the water at the people fishing on the other side, and ate our lunch. my friend then say's "do you want to walk?" so i said "sure, but where are we going?" and she said "you'll see". so we started out in this park area where kids and their families were swinging, sliding, and playing basketball until we came upon a dirt trail. she said "follow me"....i did as i was told. we started walking the dirt trail only to come upon a beyond beautiful wooded area with a narrow trail, park benches along the way, that looked like a scene out of the walk to remember book by nicholas sparks. it was beyond gorgeous as the breeze hit the trees, the colors magnified even more. we walked the trail for hours talking about everything under the sun and she stopped so that i could snap pictures here and there along the way. when we finished the 4 mile trail, we stopped to take it all in while sitting on a park bench for a few minutes. i asked "where are we off to next?" and she said "i have an idea".... so we hop into the car and head to another town. mind you, it took about thirty minutes to get there. she pulls into a library parking lot and tells me to pick out any movies that i would like to see or books that i would like to read and we sat at a table in silence for a couple of hours, taking everything in. it was so relaxing and peaceful. by the time we left, it was getting close to dinner time and we were both starved so she takes me to sonic, orders me popcorn chicken and tator tots with a cherry lime-ade, my favorite and we sat in her car and ate with the sunroof open watching the sun go down. then we headed to her house. i colored her hair and i laid on her sofa, she in the chair, as we watched movies until we both practically fell asleep. then she took me home. it was basically, the cutest, would be the most romantic day if we were in love and dating. i couldn't help but think on the ride home why can i not find someone who loves me as much as my friend if not more to date me. friend love, sometimes i think that friends know how to love truthfully without the contact part more than couples do. an amazing ending story, to a not so happy week. God, love her.

strawberry wine

"one restless summer we found love growing wild, on the banks of the river on a well beaten path, it's funny how those memories they last."

sometimes i wonder if you ever think of the warmth of our hands as we walked side by side admiring the flowers on the road the night that we met. the careless hours spent walking hand in hand pointing out the big dipper and the laughter shared when you spilt your milkshake down your shirt. if i close my eyes hard enough and dream now, i can still feel the wind blowing our hair and the intense rush of love that i felt for you in that exact moment. love, indeed it was...you never loved me like i loved you. for a year it didn't hurt to say that, not once. i built a wall of immunity the day you decided that i was not worth your time anymore. you walked away without ever looking back, not so much as a text to see how i was doing. for a year, it's been over a damned year...a year in which, i dreamed that maybe i was delusional. maybe, you would change your mind. maybe, you did in fact love me and long for the same things that i do. a whole year, a year in which life moved on without you. hard to believe, right? & out of the blue the texts start coming, the random "hi", the random "likes" on my facebook statuses that fueled the rage within me. really? with everything that we had been through. all you have to say is hi? and then the ignoring starts again when i say hi back. you got your fix. my number is still the same, now you know. not so much as a how are you? you never really were much of one to care about how others are though. still, that ounce of hope came rushing back for a second. does she want to be a part of my life now? does she stay up at night wondering who i am with and what i am doing? hold on here mandi, it was just a hi and so the strain continues life goes on as if i never existed to you as you haunt my mind at least once a day. only, it's different now. i don't wonder who you are with. i wonder how you are and can't get over the fact that a part of me will always love you. not just a part of you, everything about you until i am blue in the face. i constantly wonder if the next person that i love, will compare to the love i found in you...

all summer long, we were in - separable, running with the wind on our backs...


"My biggest fear was September, when{s} he had to go
A few cards and letters and one long distance call

We drifted away like the leaves in the fall
But year after year, I come back to this place

Just to remember the taste...

strawberry wine." - Deanna Carter

- MANDI